Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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