look no pants
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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