Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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