I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
