Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
