Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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