I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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