He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will be naked everywhere
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize