Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
