i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
