I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
