Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
