You're my little dorito
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
