I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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