something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
