Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
