i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
