i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
