Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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