omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize