Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
