I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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