evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
