I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
