She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
