Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
