Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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