I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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