Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
