the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
