i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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