Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
