The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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