We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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