a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
