You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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