i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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