And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
