the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
