It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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