I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
