dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
