and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
