what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
