East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
