Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
