I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
