You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
