There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
