What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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