he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
