I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
