You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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