you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize