No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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