I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My vagina is officially offended.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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