dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
