I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
