there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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