Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
